Monkey Mind

But am I really focusing when I am thinking?

Manvi checked the time before settling into a comfortable pose. 6 am.

Breathe in… Breathe out

Breathe in… Breathe out

Breathe in… Breathe out

She had trouble focusing on the timed chimes from her mobile app. Her mind started racing.

Will Sakku come today? Sakku mentioned that her son was ill. Oh my, how am I going to manage the day’s work is she doesn’t turn up?

Focus, Manvi. All you need to do is keep pace with the timer. Manvi chided herself as she tried to keep her breathing pattern on track.

Breathe in… Breathe out

Breathe in… Breathe out

But I have so much to do! I need to be in the kitchen right now. And there is so much to do at the office.

Maybe I need another help around the house. I have been thinking about it but never got to making that decision. I definitely need to build in redundancy in house management.

Awesome, looks like my quiet time speedens up my decision making. Way to go, Manvi.

Breathe in… Breathe out

But am I really focusing when I am thinking?

Well, the teacher did say that the mind will wander. He said observe your thoughts. I am doing just that.

But, does this even count as meditation? I should be elsewhere, getting things done. I feel like I am losing my head.

Breathe in… Breathe out

But what about today? How am I going to manage today? Maybe I should just stop this and get to the kitchen already.

Or, may be another 10 mins. What’s 10 mins?

10 mins is the difference between an easy day and a grumpy one. I should just get up now.

No. Stay.

Ok.

Breathe in… Breathe out

Breathe in… Breathe out

Who is this talking in my head?

I am the monkey in your head.

Oh! You are the one I have been warned of.

You have been warned? I am just a monkey, cute and playful.

You are also restless and fidgety. You make me anxious. And look at me, having a conversation with a monkey! I am just going to ignore you now.

No, you are not having a conversation with a monkey. It’s only your monkey mind.

You heard me. I am ignoring you.

Breathe in… Breathe out

Breathe in… Breathe out

So maybe I’ll just pack lunch sandwiches and order the dinner in today. I am going to be home much later in the evening.

I have to pick up Mom’s medical reports.

Check-in for the Mumbai flight tomorrow.

Ah, the laundry list I deal with on a daily basis.

Breathe in… Breathe out

How does one even hold this pose? Between you and me, this is too much of an effort.

That reminds me, I need to tell Raji to say ‘between you and me’ and not ‘between you and I’. It just gets on my nerves.

Basically, I also need to teach her the difference between ‘I’ and ‘me’.

So many kids fumble through it in school. Its tough to remember but there’s a thumb rule: If you would use “we,” then it’s “you and I;” if you would use “us,” then it’s “you and me.”

Breathe in… Breathe out

Breathe in… Breathe out

Breathe in… Breathe out

But really.

Who is I? Who is me? What’s the difference between I and me? Is the distinction grammatical or more elemental? I am. Me is.

Or is this all just some garden variety dialectics?

Breathe in… Breathe out

Breathe in… Breathe out

Did I say garden? All the gardens I ever planned for – a herbal garden, a rose garden.

Sooner than later, I will get around to it.

There’s got to be more in life than ground hog days.

What’s more for me? Freedom?

What’s freedom?

Must be like the flow of the breeze. Something I can feel on my skin, on the back of my neck.

Something I can feel in my lungs.

Breathe in… Breathe out

Breathe in… Breathe out

Lungs that feel full. Full of love.

Knowing that I am what I love.

Knowing that I will only be what I’ll ever give.

Peace.

Breathe in… Breathe out

Breathe in… Breathe out

Despite all the things that need to be done, feeling sorted and loved.

Like I belong to the ones I love.

Like I belong here.

Now to go out there in the world.

*

Mamata Vegunta Singh

Mamata Vegunta Singh

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