Lock and Key 

I’ve always been bad at goodbyes
There’s a feeling of a heavy heart 
And wet eyes
Feelings of missed chances
And “Oh, it’s the last time”

There’s always an irrational fear
That good things don’t come twice

I find the easiest way to deal 
With all these curious thoughts
Is to just lock them away
Throw them into the most guarded vaults
Right at the back of my mind

Vaults I never intend to see
Let alone, open

Instead I keep visiting my safest place
The safe that houses all my uncontrollable smiles
And unexpected triumphs
Where the smell of early-morning coffee 
Is paired with the taste of pizza shared over laughs
Where people hold you up
And show you off
Tell you that you’re perfect enough
Where home is a welcoming place
Filled with open arms and open doors

I move forward and find myself startled
I suddenly stumble upon the fences
That hold off all my insecurities
And keep away all my demons
Where overlooked opportunities
And mindless regrets
Keeping floating around
Like helium balloons that I’ve let go of
Where severed relationships
And unkind words
Linger on and disseminate

The rotten stench of hatred

With a fearful sigh
And a reassured stride 
I finally walk forward
Towards a new vault 

That somehow I’ve never seen

It’s got an odd structure
With a topsy turvy base
It seems like it hasn’t been given much thought

I realize now that this is where
All my uncertainties are held
All the overwhelming questions
Buzzing inside my head
All the unchartered waters
I am to tread

And all the exhaustive possibilities
Of the future I am to have

I take a deep breath 
And step backward
Do I really want to open this?

I turn around 
And take a final look
At how far I’ve come
I’ve passed the safe 
Where I store all my laughs

And even the fences 
That ward away all my tears 
I gather courage from the journey I’ve had
And realize that it’s finally time
It’s time to unlock this vault
And it’s time to say

Goodbye

***

Bhavana Bhattiprolu

Bhavana Bhattiprolu

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