Eleventh hour

It is brewing, coffee
hot in its kettle

The second before my last breath
eleventh hour near

Will I be glad it’s done or
do I rush into the kitchen?

Will I sign a relief or
do I panic at the end?

I take my sip from the cup
what’s done has passed, nothing left to do

no more bonds to bound me down;
bitter or sweet, no going back

no good deed went unpunished
as I only wait for the hour to arrive

*

Memories fading

Frightened of memories fading,

Early morning,

sunlight caressing the face

introspection at the reflection

in the Brahmaputra river

Afternoon,

sweet aroma of the red sand

and green of the countryside

struggle flaying arms to swim

across the blue waters by Narasimaswami temple

while religious, in prayer my Hindu hands together

in obedience

red tilak, bells, Sanskrit chants, and blessings.

My palm rubbing my little brother’s

curled black hair.

His curse and my fret,

a desire to know his last words

Search for his voice in dreams, Since —

Evening,

at the Christmas markets

walking towards a German castle

with Gluhwein in my belly.

Later,

my first snowfall

snow angels shining on me

skies dark, trees naked,

and land covered in white,

My haven in New Haven.

7 pm,

climbs by the Kangaroo point

blinded by the flood lights reflecting

on the slippery quarry rock.

Night,

Her Christian mind, velvety short hair

and her soft cheek against my thumb

by the river bank

Losing her words, familiarity, losing, and

a chance with mon amour.

Late night,

blue fountain (Fountainebleu) camp fires on my birthday

sharing the trunk of a car

for a good night sleep

3 am morning,

glaring at the moonlight on cobblestones

walks in France,

in contemplation of memories old

A day spent, as the next day comes

I crave

to keep something found,

and I crave

for the return of something lost

*

I live in my dreams

Only in my dreams
I allow myself to feel what I truly feel
permission I grant myself to let go
no one charges taxes on my money
I am heavy on my bed but free to fly anywhere
During the day I walk my eyes closed in the city
As tears don’t take me where I want to go
One day I surely will reach the Otherside
Head fuzzy, twisted lanes to destiny
Sunlight noisy and foggy eyes resist to see
For now,
I go to sleep wishing not to return
My thoughts clear, my heart open,
and with everything that loves me back
Only in dreams I feel allowed to live

*

Bliss in no other thought

Bliss that we find
at some rare moments like these
Surrendering thought to simpler things
freedom found at an unexpected place
margin of humanity at the corners of the heart’s desire

My thought goes to a cliff top of a mountain
sight of a great green valley, miles deep
me alone, and my thought
far wide. Far wide-
no sound, only whispers
of the silent breeze
some occasional birds’ fluttering wings’
shadows catching your eye

display of freedom
wishing for a little skill
in the wings of the flying birds
to breathe in the beauty
the radiant colors of the bright daylight
and no other thought
and only the memory of the smiles

I am at the top, as I am at the mountain top
I am the brightest star there, as it is not night
I am clear there, as there is none to block my sight.

*