Arrest

Cries everywhere,

then laughter. before we’ve had time

to understand

i heave my body

on your knees, play

at prayer while you sleep.

your screams, your purulent screams

infect my nights. before we

look the other in the eye,

we choose. there’s this

quietness afterwards, that comes

from not being able to tell now

and never apart, from

having been through, but never

been in.

you’re still as the silent steel

you’re placed on, watching

me learn the game, rehearse

technique. you’ve been before

in this room, machines bleeping,

wires swaying,

leaving your lovers

with spurned apologies.

i’m here too, peeping,

touching myself each time your

eyes fix, and your stone hard mouth

gasps its last hot air, and,

gripping the rails as if

they were fevered breasts,

you beg for more.

*